The sink hole of our society...

Shock. Horror. Silent scream.

Emotion electrocuted my brain as I read the article in Time Magazine. I have put the link at the bottom of my blog so that you can indulge in the unpleasantness yourself.

Marriage. 

In America, 28% of the population are secure in the sorrow of marriage being obsolete. I do not want to criticize these folk but their outlook, in my opinion, is the vortex of insanity.  

Marriage is not a commodity. It is statistically proven that wealthier couples are bound to wedlock but it is not necessary to say that your financial bracket should determine the out come of your relationship. In the past, your cash flow meant nothing if your heart was in it. There is this couple that I admire incredibly. They work in the same office building as I do and are elders in a church too. They got married at the tender age of her; 20- him;23 and she had their first child at 21. They now have four children that are genuine blessings to civilization. They were both unemployed and started out financially deprived but they had something a lot of people do not have these days: Each other. 

They are both incredibly successful and their children are visionaries because of family. They had parents that supplied emotional security. It was not an effort of who the greater individual was. It was the unity and surrounding love that allowed that family to blossom. 

My brooch and I were discussing this topic via text and he said something so beautiful: "I completely understand why marriage is becoming outdated as a concept with people becoming more self dependent and not requiring a significant other in order to be considered successful... However, I do feel that one of the main factors contributing to a successful society is the union between two individuals; i guess you know the saying 'it starts with the family' and i reckon that is the backbone of society..."  

I have seen so many children, and I was one of them, that come from broken homes. You immediately form an opinion about team work and how if you don't do it yourself- it won't get done. You develop a fear of relationships and run away when you let someone in. Often, children from these circumstances push the extremes. They delight in hurting others; the same way they were hurt or the seek attention in ways that dampen their reputation.       

I now look ay my dad and his new wife of eight years and their relationship has completely rejuvenated my ideals. They are adorable and their strength together makes them a dynamic duo that 'skriks vir niks'. 

Marriage is no metaphysical speculation. 

Our post modernist society defies truth. We find hope in celebrities and the media. Please excuse my venting; but take a minute to think of the person that makes your heart jingle... Is there not more truth in them than in an advert for combating split ends?

Love is undefined until you find someone to define it.  

Marriage is the process where the definition takes place...

How to display interest effectively...

Awe my ma se kinders. 

I am back once again, cocooned in the joy of a Monday and fluttering in the hope that we are getting somewhere in terms of relationships. 

Before worship, a mate and I were discussing my blog. She was giving me some guidance in what she expects from men. I quite liked it. I then remembered what a lady from work said about her relationship and I thought everything ties up rather nicely. 

Today we are plundering into discussion about what you should do to display interest in the fairer sex. 

When I asked the lady from work how she felt in her relationship, she informed me that she has actually been engaged for five years. She said that it feels like they have spent their whole lives together but at the same time, it feels like it has not even been a second. She joked that if you ask her fiancé; he would say that it has been a life time of nagging.     

I was then thinking back to some of the sweetest things that I have been fortunate enough to experience. It is the little things that count.

Oh here come the stories again... 

Deep stares. If anything, I can speak for most girls, this is the process where girls can be lost in your gaze and actually not really pick up on anything that you are saying. The same guy that stared me into oblivion won the title for most romantic when he would just dance with me. We could be walking along corridors and he would just twirl me in and spin me around.

Oh, I still blush at those memories:)

I remember the one guy that used to say; "Good night Princess" at the end of his texts. I would go to sleep feeling like royalty. He stands out far above most men because that is really him: A true man. He is a realist, and does not just agree. He can explore conversation vacillating from light hearted Eric Claptin discussions to deep meaningful matters of the future. 

I am trying to show you that there are people out there who make an effort and that it requires little brain power but it really transforms a way a female regards you.

This one couple at our church have recently got married and he talks about his wife like she is a gift to human civilization. He has been speaking about her in this regard throughout their two years of dating too. It is ridiculously inspiring how his eyes light up at the sight of her. He smiles and it is so genuine that you immediately set the same standards for your future masculine creature.

My colleague has also just passed the two year millstone in his dating relationship. When I am in the presence of his girlfriend, I get goose pimples because he speaks of her with the highest level of love that it actually makes your heart melt. He is so secure in their relationship and always encourages her growth. He never puts her down. He is the wealthiest man in the world because he carries his treasure close to his heart.     

Men, how often do you boast in your partner? Do you look at her daily thinking that you have the pot at the end of the rainbow? Do not, when you have her, feel like the chase is over. Chase her for the rest of your life and you will feel like you have fulfilled the mission most men fail.    

Think back to the most romantic thing you have done for a lass and consider whether you can make it a life style...

Do not fall into the trap of getting old too quickly. Be young and adventurous. Spontaneous. 

You will make her feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

What's your flavor?

It's.... The... Weekend... BABY!

Yesterday, I tuned into my autopilot Thursday evening 10-rating-line-up. 

The evening started in a rush. After dinner with my parents, I went to the cupboard and  saw chocolate-ice-cream-syrup. I informed my parents of my discovery and and there was a mutual symbiotic decision that an investment in the creaming of ice is a necessity. With ten minutes to spare before my worship practice, I dashed to Checkers, dived into the freezer, lost myself in the diversity of flavors... Oh, I could not decide. I compromised with my thoughts and decided on a triple threat of vanilla, chocolate and caramel. 

Three minutes before I have to be at practice. I shot to the till point and I helped the man in front of me de-clutter his trolly. Paid. My turn. Paid. The 10 meter sprint to the car was emeritus. Dropped the ice cream and then did my victory jog to the church. Time for worship.     

Swell:) 

Got home just in time for melted ice cream and Boer Soek n Vrou (I managed to even put the almost milkshake in the freezer)... And that, grand people, is what I will be basing my blog on today. 

The Bachelor is entertaining but there is only one man that the series focusses on. To all my regular blog readers from the UK, USA, Bulgaria and Singapore, In South Africa, we focus on five farmers looking for their wives. Last night the one farmer left the series because after processing through the girls of the country; he decided he does not have time 'for this nonsense' and went back to his cows.

When he left, he had raised the hopes of two lovely ladies and ended off by down-right calling them insignificant and a waste of time. The thing that upset me most was that he was incapable of seeing them as individuals. He was more looking to employ an edible substance and when he found that cannibalism was frowned upon, he sent them away to the gallows. 

Comrades, I am talking to the males here, have you ever considered what you want from a woman? Here I am asking you to actually think about the personality traits that you could be spending the rest of your life with. Do you ever think of that when you see a girl? Is your first reaction about how she could be of value in a materialistic of physical way? 

Our minds need transforming to consistency and loving. Masturbation and pornography is the result for a quick fix for lust and temptation. A friend of mine, the ever gentleman i took to my matric dance, left me with the words that still stain my mind: If we can't fight for relationships when we are young, how are we going to fight for a marriage? The mosquito will hit the skin at some point. You need to be searching for that person that won't suck the marrow from demanding situations or make you feel incredibly uncomfortable or inferior in confrontational issues. If you found that person- fight for them. Do not turn to hurting them or yourself as the alternative. 

I never thought I would get so much out of 30 seconds of the show:)

CSI followed with another bowel of now Ice Cream and then bed. The caramel tasted the best out of the three flavors:)

What flavor are you looking for? Make sure that moment on the lips is worth the life time... Well you know where:)

What makes a woman smile...

Smile. 

It is contagious... 

It is the little things that make us ladies smile with sincerity. I actually remember watching a movie where the male lead quoted his lass's 7 smiles. 

Last night I was actually in awe of how special one of my mates made me feel. We are mates. There are no leads to a possible relationship but it strikes me how your friends can make you feel like the most special person in the world. It was these qualities that I want to share with the male specimen around the globe. Embed this in your character and you may get positive attention from the lady you fancy.  Here is a simple story. See the small gestures and understand that I felt like royalty:)

I am driving, taking him home from church. We decide that we'll have tea at his place. He then asks to quickly stop at the petrol station. We stop. He buys cookies and milk...

We get to his place and he waits for me to catch up with him before walking to his gate. Inside he introduces me to his roomies and then offers me a tour of the house. Each room has a story and he tells me about his family and his rugby hero's. So natural. There was no force flirting or intentions. 

He then makes everyone tea and one of my girl mates, that was also there, said that you are supposed to put the sugar in after the marinating process is complete. He takes the criticism, smiles, empties her cup and starts again.

We all commuted around a table, spoke and occasionally exploded into random song. I then had to go. He walked me to my car. Made sure I was safe. He even stayed outside until drove off.

Excuse me as I vent for a second, but it makes me so angry that certain husbands cannot even treat their wives as well as my friend treated me. 

Men who are still looking for a relationship, please start treating your prospectus with respect. People try so hard to flirt. Intentions will come out naturally but if you suffocate a woman with pick-up-lines and deep stares; really you are making it easier for her to see the negative in you. 

I have a few male friends that are worth honoring by name as they have sewn good manners into their being. You can do it too. I have not mentioned your name so if you feel offended maybe look at yourself for a minute and consider change. 

Our world has lost the 'old school' culture. It starts with you. Please bring it back. 

Every girl deserves to smile like a princess.   

Watch what we wearing...

"I got my mind set on you. I got my mind set in you. I got my mind set on you. I got my mind set in you."


Very catchy song. It really makes my day glitter.

Talking about glittering, i was having a good old heart-to-heart with my brother a while back. We were discussing how men and women vary. I do not mean to stereotype but you get the strangest species of men in South Africa hunting for the beef of home grown honeys... 

You get what we call a Vaalie. He is the type of man that will come out from the bush and travel to the sea on consecutive summers. He will then marinate in the sea through days sweating with the phosphoric sun and continue to splash in his speedo on the days where you wouldn't bother shaving because it is so cold that your hair immediately grows back. 

Then you get the jock... He is the man always waddling around in his rugby shorts. Generally good looking, but he knows that. The best place to find one of those is in crowded areas, as they like attention, and you can easily identify them as they are the blokes who will walk past shop windows and have a good glare at themselves...

Ooo, the metrosexuals... These guys are amazing! No lie, they look after themselves so well. Face- Moisturized. Lips- Plump. Hair- Straightened. They are always dressed in the latest fashion. They never wear ankle hugging socks and takkies with shorts. Or hideous slops with jeans. 


Lastly, you get the guys that just do not fall into any specific bracket of generalization... The good o's. Let's just call them that. They enjoy sport, may possibly suffer from occasional sun burn, but they look after themselves and most importantly those around them. They could have long hair or they may enjoy their shorts but you could actually just tackle them out of respect for their humble nature. Yes, tackling can be a way of showing approval:)

These guys can see what other guys miss- The true beauty in a woman. They also pick up on the frequencies that us women signal out daily. Something my brother and I worked out together:

When a woman is wearing a dress, she wants to be treated like a princess. She won't mind compliments because it brings out the softer, more gentle side of her personality. 

An evening dress... Sophistication is what she is trying to pull off. Be a gentleman. She probably feels like the most beautiful girl in the world and this is where you should stay close to her. It makes her feel like you are proud to be with her.

When she is in her training gear, unless you are training together, let her do her own thing. This is her time where she generally detoxes. She needs space to sweat out the weeks stress:)

If she is in her casual clothes, this is the best time. She feels phlegmatic and comfortable. Pick her up, tickle her, she is in her 'fun' gear.

Hope I have been of help. Little tips like this will lead you to comprehend the mind of a female.

Keep it real, keep singing and smile like no one is watching.

Too-da-loo:) 

Blowing hot and cold... Men and their motives.

I am awaiting the day where a chicken can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Motives...

I have decided that that single word waxes my mind continuously. It even bruises. Why do the female species become consumed in over analyzing situations? The pain experienced by most females comes from not knowing whether a man is interested or what exactly his motives are.

I met a man during the 2010 Soccer World Cup. I was on the return flight from Jo Burg; after doing some work in the concrete capital. I had my lap top opened on a Mug and Bean coffee counter and my my mind absorbed in the sour sensation of my almost finished lemon meringue.

I saw the shadow of a man moving in my direction to come share the wire less internet. He sat. Then he said in an accent which was of a dutch origin; "Excuse me, how do you get onto the internet?"

I turned to face him and immediately time froze. Dark hair. Green eyes that were piercing into the deepest corner of my soul. And his smile... Oh my. I was in a completely different world.

I have no idea where the internet topic went but we were lost in conversation about sport, the current low in the stock market, politics and how i, in his opinion, am the most beautiful girl in the world... Sigh...

"This is the last boarding call for flight 408 to Durban..."

My heart just sank.

"I have to go" I said...

There was a long deep pause. I could literally feel my heart in my throat. My eyes even started misting up as my Hollander softened his stare...

"I will pay for your meringue"

Those were the most precious words to ever leave a human beings mouth.

Thing is, I was hot for this man. The breeze of how unlikely us ever seeing each other again snaked chills all over me. His motives... I will never know.

But men, unless you like a woman:

• Never hold her gaze. Break eye contact as often as possible because it highlights how uninterested you are
• Never hold on to her for longer than necessary
• Avoid replying to her texts immediately
• Do not say "love you" or "miss you" without thinking that she may take it to heart
• Treat her the same as a guy mate

Women read into everything so be as to-the-point as possible.

My Hollander was an example of a genuine whoo. If that is possible:) I will inform you how how to let a lady know you care... But that is a story for another day.

Until then, be a good chicken and remember to look before you cross the road...

The most important tip for a healthy relationship

Awe my ma se kinders!!!

"Women are crazy. Men are stupid. The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."
- George Carlin

I thought that was funny:)

I had a long conversation with one of my mates in the car yesterday and we discussed what I should blog about. Man, it is tight but I shall dive into the waters of that topic another day...

I was circulating the small bi concave discs, without a nucleus and that are elastic (blood- well; red blood cells to be exact) on the power plates at gym this morning when it struck me that my one mate rated his week a 4 last night. I was too busy frolicking in my buoyant  memory of my rated 10 week that I never asked him why his was below average.

I then saw him walking up the stairs of the gym and immediately left the vibrating plates and embraced him with a sweat-filled-decaying-body-fat aroma hug and beseeched him to let me into his state of unpleasantness...

His words; "I'm alive- don't worry"

Woah! Right there it struck me... It did more than that actually- it changed my perspective for the day. I gave him a gangster Hi5 and ran down to get my 10 minutes in the sauna.

"I'm alive..."

What does it really mean?

My point is; in relationships it is often the structure of togetherness that determines how your day goes. It is the stereotypical i-love-you/ i-miss-you-baby that embeds itself into your almost jointed memory . Your memory is actually injured and you do not see it. It is missing the most important element: You.

You are alive. Who are you? Are you really living a life that gives you the desires of your heart? I am not telling you to become selfish or egocentric- the point I am making is that the desire for a relationship can often cause you to lose your individuality. You were intricately created for a purpose and your purpose is NOT in someone else. A relationship will not make you complete.

An inspiring lady who used to work with me, Kelly, said that if you are looking for a relationship- you are not going to find it. By being comfortable with whom you are, you are allowing space for someone to add value. By being consumed with the thought of another half, you are creating a trap to get injured.

Whether you are searching, or have been in a relationship for some time, you must know one thing:

You are beautiful. You are unique. You need to spend time with people who love you, believe in you and make you laugh.

Embrace your individuality and it will give others a chance to see you and fall in love with who you really are.

She's not that into you... Memorize this:)

Aloha,


Do you suffer pangs of conscience? Nervous? Jumpy? Scared?


Need a hide out from the law?


Well, step right up friend; I'll get you a bath with the birds.


The pre-relationship stage feels illegal. There are so many rules, guide lines and irritating emotions that make participating in a Greek choral verse sound more attractive. The iron taste in your mouth when trying your best to get a females attention leaves you feeling claustrophobic and often caged in the thought of 'now maybe that was not the best idea...'


How do I say this nicely... Sometimes a girl is just not that into you. Store this in your memory : It is not always your fault. Rather let nature take its course then drown a female with your never ending river of the future.


I shall give you a story from my memory .


Rugby finals.


I get a phone call from a mate informing me that he has a spare ticket to the game. Bubbling with euphoria, I immediately accept his invitation. Rugby is more then a game to me- It is a way of life...


He tells me to be there a 16:00. Game only starts at 17:30... An hour and a half with the mate prior to the game sounded harmless... So i thought.


I get there and he goes in for the hug... We never hug so i went in for the Hi5... Hi5/Hug was like a car stuck in fifth gear... Up a mountain... Not fun.


He then puts down his bag and unzips it. Out he pulls a spare rugby jersey, a rain jacket and a towel. Proudly ticking off the check list incase the heavens open, he informs that he brought double... So we'd match incase of a natural disaster... Yum.


One hour and twenty minutes before kick off... We walk around the stadium... He decides to be smooth and offers me something to drink. I decline. He insists. I decline again... He pauses. Insists. I oblige...


Then out of the blue; "If i was a traffic cop, i would bill you because your so fine".


(Confused face)


Then he rolls another; "Are you a car? Because I would bang into you everyday"


I did the awkward laugh and changed the subject to the youth of today... He replies with a memory he experienced in a club... A girl wrapping herself around him. The lights. Music. The aroma. Then the monstrosity occurs... She unbuttons his shirt. This is a pretty accurate quote of what he said;


"Those are MY abs. I work hard for them. They are for me to see when I go to bed or when I look in the mirror. It is not something you share. Come on man."


(Silent scream)


Proud to say that I saw my entire spectrum of friends before the game began, so the next time I spent alone time with rugby man was when we were seated.


Kick off!


Flipping intense right from the first whistle. Then all of a sudden he asks these deep meaningful questions that makes me want to tackle him because he is obliterating the intensity. The drive for the first try and he offers me biltong. I decline in excitement and he tugs at my arm. I look at him. They score a try. He asks for me reasoning as to why I don't want his biltong... Oh my word...


Enough about that now, it got worse. Don't worry.


The thing is, if a girl is not comfortable with you it will never work. Do not force it.


They will give you hints.


A wise female called Kayley replies to the question of letting a guy know she's not into him; "I would carry on mentioning the word mate or friend... without creating an awkward moment or hindering friendship". Alternatively a more direct approach like the emeritus Andi would say; "Uh, to be nice I'd say, 'I'm so glad that we can be such good mates with no romantic feelings.'"


Girls are naturally softer in their approach to letting a guy down so if she replies to your message three days late, always has a head ache when you ask her out or generally never instigates conversation:


Buddy, she's not into you.

The question that stumps a males memory... How to make every girl feel like a princess?

Greetings and Salutations...


Shakespeare had a way with words. He could make even the most mundane emotion like 'jealousy' vibrate with emotional word pictures that have you feeling a shiver snake its way up your spine...


"Beware dear lord of jealousy. The green eye'd monster doth mock the meat it feeds upon..."


Literally 'feeds upon'.


What is currently feeding your relationship?


Is it lust, temptation, jealousy, insecurity or could be something as strong as the feeling of being second best? It eats away at your mind- causing you grind your way to the section in your memory  where faults lie. Arguments arise from situations like this and instead of savoring that memory bubble of love, joy and where it all began: You dig to the memory compartment that is implausible for its pessimism.


Good people that are stuck in the cobweb of pessimism, I am going to give you five basic ideas which you should glue into your long term memory . It is never too late to try pamper the joy of your lions... She deserves to be feeling like a princess. By treating your lass like royalty, you will see a change in her spirit which in turn is a benefit for you...


Five ideas:

1. Acknowledge her most beautiful characteristic
2. Ask her what makes her happy
3. Tell her what your greatest insecurity is when it comes to losing her
4. Encourage her to engage in her friendship circles
5. Let her know that she is your princess

Friends, this is just the beginning of me letting you in to what girls fear, need and appreciate.

Blog one down... Lets do it:)